Sunday nights... it seems to me they bring with them a slew of emotions: sadness, dread, grumpiness, sometimes enthusiasm for the week ahead.
This Sunday was a bit of an uphill climb for me. We were told, quite suddenly, that we have to have some work done to our house. To do so we have to move everything out of the main living space, the space that connects all the rooms in the house, and completely alter our living/working/homeschooling arrangements for the next several days.
Good things will come of it when the work is finished. I know this from muddling through many, far more dramatic, issues over our time as homeowners. But I have to admit, I've had to fight back a bit of self pity, because the suddenness of it all wrenched me from my deep desire to spend my Sunday-after-church time cozied up with my family by the fire, with tea, and our favorite books. My very tired body has been absolutely aching for some time to nurture myself and bolster up for the week ahead. Instead, I've had to pack up in haste, with every plan for the week tossed aside.
Though I gave myself a good firm reprimand, about how I've been through much worse and many are going through far more, I couldn't seem to find strength and a good attitude in myself by myself. So I went upstairs to my room and spent some time talking to God about it all. I told Him how sorry I was that I was being so pouty, and that I was really very grateful that we were able to get the work done. I also told Him that I really, really felt that I needed that time of rest in front of the fire to be able to cope and accomplish anything this week, let alone dismantle a great deal of the house, live in disarray, and have to put it all back together again when the work was finally finished. Then I begged Him to please let the work be completed quickly and with no negative surprises (remembering past work that went weeks and weeks past supposed completion dates as complications piled up).
After I had poured it all out to God, (feeling ridiculous, because honestly there are far more important problems then this!) God graced me with an amazing answer. To my mind came an image of His Sacred Heart. As a Catholic Christian this is a familiar image to me. But as God brought it to my mind, this time the focus was on the flames rising from His heart.
I felt Him tell me that I don't have to be curled up in front of my fireplace to be nurtured and healed. That fire is always only temporary, and I will always have to leave it to go about the work of life. But if I place myself before the fire in His heart, I will experience His love, nurturance, and healing no matter where I am.
Unfortunately, I did not come away from that moment strong and enthusiastic about all I had to do. But I did come away with the knowledge that if I stop and place myself before His heart whenever I feel weak, pouty, anxious, or overwhelmed, He will give me the grace I need.